and you said cock pushups were impossible
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
