she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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