i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize