shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
