I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
