Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
