There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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