just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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