We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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