Buhtt sex?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
