I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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