This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
