i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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