My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize