New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
