I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
