My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
