I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
