babies were throwing up all over the place
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
birth control should be required to get into college
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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