i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Bring me that man meat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
