See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You left your phone here
Wait...
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