don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
