I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
