birth control should be required to get into college
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
