Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize