Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
