even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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