So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
