i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
