I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
