Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Randomize
