i just made my gag reflex go away.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
