I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
