dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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