tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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