We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
