I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
