you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
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