ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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