just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
