I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
