What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Still dying that you shit outside
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
