1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
