she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have feelings that need drinking.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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