I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
She announced her abortion via fbk
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
