that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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