i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
