My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
