on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
