I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He better not be in your backpack
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
