FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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