my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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