How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just pynch a tree in the face
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
