lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
