So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
