i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
