I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
