Don't make out with my wife yet
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
