My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
