if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
