Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
