My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
