Need sex. Gaining weight.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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