Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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