I think I just saw someone hide a body.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
