ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
