the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
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