wrigley field is MILF paradise
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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