there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
