Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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