I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
