i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Randomize
