just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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