Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(210): View more from Texas

I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"

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(816): View more from Missouri

I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.

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(703): View more from Virginia

You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.

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(905): View more from Ontario

He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night

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(218): View more from Minnesota

all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.

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(989): View more from Michigan

He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame

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(512): View more from Texas

Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.

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(808): View more from Hawaii

Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?

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(909): View more from California

My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.

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