you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
